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★ TOBY & CAM ★
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📌 THE TOBY & CAM CONSPIRACY BOARD 📌 (IT'S ALL CONNECTED)
Assembled by: a guy in a basement | Thread: red | Sleep: none
the cheese incident
toby was in glendale that week??
THE CAT KNOWS
cam's "emotional support animal"
WHO IS GARY???
cam's sink. 2:14am. one pump.
"drove it to the vet" -cam
toby's "breakfast"
cam's hinge pic (0 matches)
toby, age 3. the trike.
cam's roof. not cam's goat.
THE CHEESE (340 wheels)
IT'S ALL CONNECTED toby → cheese → glendale → the cat → cam → soap → ???
Click any photo to learn nothing. The thread is load-bearing.
EXCLUSIVE: TOBY ESCORTED OFF PRIVATE JET BY DEA AFTER "ROUTINE" CHEESE INSPECTION
Filed by: GossipGurl_1998 | Source: a guy | Confidence: extremely high
Federal agents descended on a Gulfstream Tuesday night after a routine K-9 sweep uncovered what one agent described as "an unreasonable amount of gouda." Toby, pictured above in his signature flannel, reportedly told agents the cheese "was for a friend" and then could not name the friend.
Toby was released after agents realized he had simply boarded the wrong plane and was in fact trying to get to a Renaissance Faire in Ohio. The cheese was not returned. Agent on the left said "honestly great guy, we're going to get drinks."
Court documents obtained by this website (we made them up) reveal that Cam's cat has retained counsel and is seeking "full independence and at least one closed door." The cat's filing lists 47 separate selfies as exhibits, each with the flash on.
Cam responded with a statement reading, in full: "She loves it." The cat could not be reached for comment but was seen staring directly into the camera in a way experts describe as "haunting." A hearing is scheduled for whenever.
TOBY'S HAIR ATTENDS GALA WITHOUT TOBY, GETS SEATED AT BETTER TABLE
Filed by: HairWatch Dot Com | Source: the hair | Confidence: 11/10
Toby arrived at an unnamed black-tie event Thursday fully dressed and fully confused, as pictured. Witnesses say his hair arrived roughly 20 minutes earlier, independently, and had already ordered. "It knew the maitre d' by name," one guest reported.
When asked how he felt about the evening, Toby made the face above for approximately 45 minutes. Scientists at the Institute of Hair Dynamics have confirmed the hair is "doing its own thing" and "frankly thriving." The glasses declined to comment.
CAM RELEASES CHRISTMAS ALBUM IN JULY; COVER IS JUST HIM AND A GIANT CAT IN THE SKY
Filed by: MusicNewz | Source: a cassette left on our porch | Confidence: ???
Titled "Mostly Meow: A Cam Christmas", the 14-track album was recorded entirely in a Glamour Shots inside a mall that closed in 2004. The cover art, above, was shot by a professional who reportedly asked Cam to "put a shirt on" eleven times.
Track listing includes "Silent Night (Cat Is Watching)", "Little Drummer Boy (Cat Remix)" and a nine-minute spoken-word piece called "Why I Am Like This." The cat receives a producer credit. Rolling Stone has not responded because we did not contact them.
Filed by: NeighborhoodWatch_Dave | Source: Dave | Confidence: Dave
Wearing what neighbors describe as "the most visible hat ever made," Toby took to his bedroom Sunday and announced via group chat that a raccoon "knows what it did." The raccoon, named Gary by local children, had allegedly looked at Toby's trash "in a certain way."
The standoff ended after four hours when Gary, in a stunning tactical move, simply left. Toby was later seen eating cereal in the same beanie and telling anyone who would listen that "it's not over." The tapestry behind him has been identified as The Great Wave, which also declined to get involved.
CAM LOSES CHESS MATCH TO A ROOMBA AT SAINT LOUIS CHESS CLUB, DEMANDS REMATCH
Filed by: Checkmate Chad | Source: the Roomba | Confidence: FIDE-rated
In the photo above, Cam contemplates a position that grandmasters have described as "already lost" and "how did you even get here." His opponent, a Roomba named Deep Clean, won in 23 moves and then vacuumed under his chair in what observers called "a power move."
Cam has petitioned the club for a rematch, claiming the Roomba "kept bumping the table." Club officials noted that Cam played the Bongcloud Attack on move two and "deserved what happened." He has since been seen at the club every night, alone, "training."
Cam claims to be "6 foot" and the cat has filed an objection.
Toby and Cam were seen together at a restaurant for 3 hours. Neither ordered. Both tipped.
Cam's chess rating has been described by the club as "a vibe."
Toby once said "nice" 14 times in a single conversation. A record.
Cam has never, not once, worn a shirt in a photo taken indoors. Investigation ongoing.
Toby's orange beanie is now legally required to be mentioned in every story about him. The beanie.
BOTH OF THEM: pending.
🔎 THE EVIDENCE LOCKER: OTHER THINGS THEY HAVE DEFINITELY DONE 🔎
Chain of custody: broken | Exhibits: 22 | Objections: overruled
EXHIBIT A. This headline ran the same week Toby was "in Glendale for a thing." He was not involved. He was not charged. He has, however, been to Glendale eleven times this year and cannot name a single reason. When shown this image he said "ok" and left the room.
EXHIBIT B. Cam's kitchen sink, photographed at 2:14am by someone who "just needed water." Forensics confirmed the soap was pumped exactly once and then abandoned mid-pump. Cam maintains it "fell out." The dish soap bottle has been empty since February and is kept "for the memories."
EXHIBIT C. Toby, age 14, the exact moment he was told Cam wanted to "hang out sometime." Doctors say the forehead has never fully recovered. The girl behind him has asked not to be associated with this website.
EXHIBIT D. Cam's registered emotional support animal, per paperwork he submitted to an airline in 2023. The airline denied the request. Cam appealed. The appeal was 40 pages and included this drawing "for scale."
EXHIBIT E. Cam's second cat conducting a seance to contact Cam's first cat. Cam's first cat is alive and in the next room. The candle was lit by the cat. Cam was "at chess."
EXHIBIT F. Court-ordered sketch of Toby at hour 14 of a Call of Duty session. The sketch artist was asked to "be nice." This is the nice one. Note the beanie is absent, which experts say is the most alarming part.
EXHIBIT G. Toby's grandfather, per Toby. "He raised me," Toby said, of this. When asked for a second photo Toby produced the same photo, slightly larger.
EXHIBIT H. A third associate who wishes to remain anonymous, pictured here anonymously. He carries the bat "for Gary." The tote bag contains one (1) banana. He is, legally, the brains of the operation.
EXHIBIT I. Cam's dating profile photo, 2019 to present. Zero matches. Cam blames "the algorithm." The algorithm has issued a statement saying it is "not that."
EXHIBIT J. Toby and Cam both RSVP'd "maybe" to this, then showed up 45 minutes early. Neither of them knows Amar. Amar has asked them to stop coming to his birthdays. They have been to four. Cam brought the Gyarados drawing as a gift.
EXHIBIT K. The cat after Cam "drove it to the vet." The vet was 4 minutes away. Cam took the highway. The cat has since obtained its own license and now drives Cam.
EXHIBIT L. Screenshot recovered from Toby's phone. Toby says it was "for research." The research has been ongoing for 193 days. He is one of the 3 online. He is possibly all 3.
EXHIBIT M. Cam's cat's live reaction to track 9 of "Mostly Meow: A Cam Christmas." The track is nine minutes long. The cat did not blink once. It is still not blinking.
EXHIBIT N. Toby's breakfast, every day, since 2021. He has described it as "basically a smoothie." He buys it by the case. The case has his name on it. The store knows him as "Morning Toby."
EXHIBIT O. Toby, age 3, watching his tricycle get taken. He has been "waiting for it to come back" for 29 years. This is why he got on the plane. This is why there was cheese. It all starts here.
EXHIBIT P. Cam's recycling, one (1) week. Cam does not drink. He says he "collects the colors." The recycling center has given him a parking spot. The spot has his name on it, spelled wrong.
EXHIBIT Q. Actual footage from the scene of the cheese incident. Toby asked that the officers be "reenacted by toys" for privacy. The toys were later charged. The toys have retained the same lawyer as the cat.
EXHIBIT R. Toby's childhood doll, Gary. Not that Gary. A different Gary. Toby has named fourteen things Gary, including the raccoon, this doll, a car, and briefly, Cam.
EXHIBIT S. Pictured: the cheese. 340 wheels. "For a friend." The friend has still not been named. The cheese has been named. All of it. Individually. Wheel 212 is Gary.
EXHIBIT T. Cam's landlord has asked him to remove "the goat" from the roof. Cam does not own a goat. The goat has been there for three months. It will not leave. It has started receiving mail.
EXHIBIT U. Leaked training footage of Cam's cat preparing to replace Cam at the Saint Louis Chess Club. The cat is rated higher. The cat has already beaten the Roomba. The club has offered the cat a membership and Cam a "trial."
EXHIBIT V. Toby's hair, photographed separately, as it appeared at the gala (see above). It has since taken a job in the Andes and is "doing great." It sends postcards. Toby does not open them.
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EXHIBIT C. Toby, age 14, the exact moment he was told Cam wanted to "hang out sometime." Doctors say the forehead has never fully recovered. The girl behind him has asked not to be associated with this website.
EXHIBIT E. Cam's second cat conducting a seance to contact Cam's first cat. Cam's first cat is alive and in the next room. The candle was lit by the cat. Cam was "at chess."
EXHIBIT F. Court-ordered sketch of Toby at hour 14 of a Call of Duty session. The sketch artist was asked to "be nice." This is the nice one. Note the beanie is absent, which experts say is the most alarming part.
EXHIBIT G. Toby's grandfather, per Toby. "He raised me," Toby said, of this. When asked for a second photo Toby produced the same photo, slightly larger.
EXHIBIT H. A third associate who wishes to remain anonymous, pictured here anonymously. He carries the bat "for Gary." The tote bag contains one (1) banana. He is, legally, the brains of the operation.
EXHIBIT J. Toby and Cam both RSVP'd "maybe" to this, then showed up 45 minutes early. Neither of them knows Amar. Amar has asked them to stop coming to his birthdays. They have been to four. Cam brought the Gyarados drawing as a gift.
EXHIBIT L. Screenshot recovered from Toby's phone. Toby says it was "for research." The research has been ongoing for 193 days. He is one of the 3 online. He is possibly all 3.
EXHIBIT M. Cam's cat's live reaction to track 9 of "Mostly Meow: A Cam Christmas." The track is nine minutes long. The cat did not blink once. It is still not blinking.
EXHIBIT P. Cam's recycling, one (1) week. Cam does not drink. He says he "collects the colors." The recycling center has given him a parking spot. The spot has his name on it, spelled wrong.
EXHIBIT Q. Actual footage from the scene of the cheese incident. Toby asked that the officers be "reenacted by toys" for privacy. The toys were later charged. The toys have retained the same lawyer as the cat.
EXHIBIT R. Toby's childhood doll, Gary. Not that Gary. A different Gary. Toby has named fourteen things Gary, including the raccoon, this doll, a car, and briefly, Cam.
EXHIBIT U. Leaked training footage of Cam's cat preparing to replace Cam at the Saint Louis Chess Club. The cat is rated higher. The cat has already beaten the Roomba. The club has offered the cat a membership and Cam a "trial."
EXHIBIT V. Toby's hair, photographed separately, as it appeared at the gala (see above). It has since taken a job in the Andes and is "doing great." It sends postcards. Toby does not open them.